Развод что делать: психолог объясняет, когда пора расходиться

Какие ошибки чаще всего совершают при разводе и как их избежать Кстати: Знаете о нашей услуге «Развод без стресса»? Подробнее Кстати: Мы проводим онлайн-консультации.
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Какие бы отношения между почти бывшими супругами не были, как бы оба не хотели свободы, но бракоразводный процесс – это стресс в любом случае. Мечтая, чтобы всё поскорее закончилось, можно наделать множество ошибок и потерять больше, чем могли бы при грамотном подходе. В этой статье мы детально разберем, несколько типичных ошибок которые совершаются при разводе и как их избежать.

Тотальное доверие

Случаются ситуации, когда люди решают развестись, но по каким-либо причинам, откладывают поход в суд. Не хотят травмировать детей, не могут договориться о разделе общей собственности или бизнеса и т.д. Потом, возникает ситуация, вследствие которой один из супругов переезжает в другой город или даже страну. Какими бы друзьями вы не расставались, как бы вы не участвовали финансово в жизни второй половины и детей – если бракоразводный процесс не получил логического завершения, доверять почти бывшему супругу не стоит. Заявление о разводе в суд подаёт один из супругов. Второго, на заседание вызывают повесткой, и если он не явился 3 раза – разводят заочно. Теперь возникает вопрос: куда суд отправляет повестку? Если квартира является совместной собственностью или принадлежала ответчику до брака, вряд ли он будет из неё выписываться. Соответственно, повестки суд отправляет по последнему известному адресу – в данном случае, по месту прописки или регистрации. Естественно, подавший на развод супруг ничего об этом не скажет. И о своём новом статусе вы можете узнать спустя год, когда не только решение суда вступит в законную силу, но и долги по алиментам вырастут. Таким образом, вы рискуете остаться без имущества, но с долгами. Придётся существенно потратиться на адвокатов, чтобы аннулировать развод и доказать, что бывший супруг (супруга) знали о вашем месте нахождения, регулярно общались и получали материальную поддержку. То есть, ввели суд в заблуждение. Кстати, для этого вовсе не обязательно уезжать куда-либо из города, достаточно просто переехать.

Что сделать, чтобы этого избежать. Если вы собираетесь переезжать, найдите юриста, которому доверяете. На него стоит переоформить всю свою корреспонденцию. Не волнуйтесь, письма от сослуживца или институтской подруги он вскрывать не будет. Но, таким образом вы не пропустите, ни судебных повесток, ни банковских документов, ни любых других важных бумаг из госорганов. Уполномоченный действовать от вашего имени адвокат, не только поставит вас в известность о происходящем, но и оперативно примет меры для защиты ваших интересов.

Развод. Кто кого?

Уверенность в своей правоте

Даже если вы на 1000% уверенны в том, что вы правы, не посоветоваться с юристом – слишком самонадеянно. Судебные решения часто далеки от ожиданий. В бракоразводном процессе всегда выигрывает тот, кто лучше подготовлен. К примеру, вы знаете о том, что собственность полученная до брака – ваша личная и неделимая. В наследство от бабушки вы получили старый домик в деревне. Со временем, эта деревня стала частью города, и недвижимость там выросла в цене. По закону всё, что получено в наследство – принадлежит лицу единолично. Но, при желании, второй супруг может доказать в суде, что эта собственность совместная. Если в период нахождения в браке был проведён капитальный ремонт с неотъемлемыми улучшениями жилья – такая недвижимость становится общей. Неотъемлемыми считаются, к примеру, проводка, штукатурка, газификация.

Задача квалифицированного юриста доказать, что на улучшения тратились средства исключительно его подопечного. Это можно сделать посредством договоров с подрядчиками, свидетельских показаний и т.д.

Раздел имущества

Всё имущество, приобретённое супругами в период брака, считается совместно нажитым и подлежит разделу. Ни одна из сторон не откажется от большей доли. Аргументы могут быть разными – с одним из супругов остаются проживать несовершеннолетние дети, или он вложил больше средств в покупку делимого имущества. На самом деле, даже если второй супруг не работал весь период нахождения в браке, доказать в суде преимущественное право на движимое или недвижимое имущество довольно сложно. Чтобы выиграть по максимуму, квалифицированный юрист будет искать доказательства того, что вы вкладывали деньги, которые были у вас до брака.

Непросто обстоят дела и с квартирой, подаренной супругам на свадьбу, родителями одного из молодоженов. С моральной точки зрения всё просто – второй не имеет на неё никаких прав. Но, мораль в бракоразводном процессе слишком редкое явление. Поэтому, юристы советуют думать о разводе ещё до свадьбы, как бы цинично это не звучало. Широкий жест на торжестве «Мы дарим вам квартиру» — отличный сюрприз для молодых. Но, оформить её на своего ребёнка лучше до официальной регистрации брака. Либо, потом заключать договор дарения. Если родители дарят деньги на квартиру – то факт передачи так же должен быть зафиксирован документально, а договор составлен профессионалом.

Добровольное соглашение по алиментам без нотариального заверения

К составлению соглашения лучше подключить юристов изначально. Опытные специалисты по семейному праву знают все подводные камни. Составят соглашение с учётом интересов обоих сторон и общих несовершеннолетних детей. Это исключит возможные манипуляции в дальнейшем, ведь добровольное соглашение может быть пересмотрено в судебном порядке в любой момент.

По этой же причине, адвокаты компании «Планета Закона» не рекомендуют передавать денежные средства из рук в руки, даже при свидетелях. Если в платеже не будет указано, что это алименты на ребёнка по конкретному делу, то при наличии грамотного специалиста, в суде можно доказать, что эти средства не имеют к алиментам никакого отношения.

Как не лишиться всего разводясь в суде

Налоги

Вы развелись, поделили имущество, распределили деньги о последней копейки и тут, извещение о выплате НДФЛ. После развода, бывшие муж и жена уже не семья и раздел имущества может облагаться налогом. Если в результате каждый получит ту долю, которой владел в браке – это не будет выгодой и платить не нужно. Но, если движимое или недвижимое имущество составляет более 50% — без дополнительных расходов не обойтись.

Как быть и что делать в этой ситуации? Чтобы не платить лишние налоги, имущество нужно поделить ещё будучи в браке. В подавляющем большинстве случаев, разводящиеся супруги не горят желанием встречаться друг с другом. Для этого и существуют юристы, которые к делу подходят с холодной головой и без эмоций. Они всегда смогут договориться, учитывая интересы своих клиентов, и составят оптимальное для сторон соглашение. А главное, юристы всегда видят перспективы дела в суде и могут объяснить их клиенту.

Мы намерено не затрагиваем в этой статье тему детей. В подавляющем большинстве случаев – желание поделить детей является лишь средством манипуляции или мести. Не смотря на то, что законодательно оба родителя имеют равные права в отношении несовершеннолетних наследников, на практике, если мать не ведёт аморальный образ жизни, суд примет решение в её пользу. Ещё один аспект – влиятельный отец, но такая ситуация, чаще всего, не имеет отношения к правовым нормам.

Развод – простое мероприятие лишь в том случае, если вам нечего делить. В противной ситуации он довольно изматывающий. Естественно, вы можете договориться решать всё без юристов. Но, если одна из сторон нарушит договор, вторая автоматически проиграет. Поэтому, лучше сразу обращаться к профессионалам. Это позволит на самом деле сберечь время, деньги и нервы.

90000 Divorce Tips For Men: What To Do With The House? 90001 90002 By Julie Garrison 90003 90002 90005 Special to DadsDivorce.com 90006 90003 90002 There is way more to sort through when getting divorced than most couples are prepared to deal with: child custody, alimony, who is going to move out (divorce tip for men: do not move out!), Etc. 90003 90002 Even more perplexing is what to do with the marital home. 90003 90002 For many divorcing couples, the house, which was once their greatest financial asset, has become their biggest liability.A couple who purchased their home at the peak of the housing boom is now saddled with a house that is worth less than what they owe on it. 90003 90002 So couples are looking for financial advice on divorce and wondering what are the available options for dealing with the marital home? 90003 90002 90017 1. Refinance 90018 90003 90002 If one spouse moves out and wants off the deed, the other spouse is going to have to refinance the mortgage. Otherwise, if they keep the mortgage in both names and one of them stops paying, the other spouse is liable for the monthly mortgage payments and late charges.90003 90002 So the reasonable option is refinancing, if one spouse plans on staying in the house. But with a mortgage underwater, can this even be done? 90003 90024 90002 90026 Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce. 90027 90003 90002 90017 2. Stay 90018 90003 90002 The couple can stay in the house and live separate lives.This, of course, is the definition of insanity, but there are those couples who have successfully pulled it off. 90003 90002 The two estranged spouses continued to cohabitate until the house sold and put them in a better financial position for re-establishing themselves. But, this would be viewed as a worst-case scenario dilemma. 90003 90002 It must be reiterated if both spouses are on the mortgage, it’s probable that neither spouse will be able to get another mortgage until the house sells.90003 90002 Another plus on the side of staying in the house is that if one spouse moves out and the spouse staying in the house quits making payments, the spouse not living in the house would still be responsible for the mortgage payments. 90003 90002 90017 3. One Stays, One Leaves 90018 90003 90002 The one spouse who stays in the house and continues making mortgage payments will get credit for the principal paid prior to the sale of the house. The spouse who moved out and rented will still get credit for half of the proceeds of the sale.90003 90002 Of course frequent readers of DadsDivorce.com know you should not leave the marital home. This is one of the «10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce» as outlined in Cordell & Cordell founder Joseph Cordell’s new book. 90003 90002 Moving from the marital home increases your monthly bills and leaves you in a powerless situation with regard to what occurs in the home and with any belongings you leave there. 90003 90002 90017 4. Defer the Sale 90018 90003 90002 A couple can also defer sale of the house until a specific date, in the hopes that home values ​​will rise.Both parties will still be on the deed, but one spouse will move out. This will be part of the final court order. 90003 90002 Still, if the spouse staying in the house defaults on the mortgage payments, the other party will end up being responsible for them. 90003 90002 The spouse not residing in the co-owned property will be unable to get another mortgage unless he or she makes enough money to make payments on both loans in the event that the co-owned property goes into default. 90003 90002 This option is not the best one and carries with it a great deal of liability.90003 90002 90017 5. Rent 90018 90003 90002 Another possible choice is for the couple to move out of the house, go their separate ways and rent out their co-owned property. As long as they can keep a responsible renter in the house, this scenario is a good one. 90003 90002 They can wait for property values ​​to rise (in the hopes that it will still happen within the next few years) and sell when the economy picks up again. Of course, this can be risky considering that you have no proof that the economy is going to turn around.90003 90002 Again, this scenario would probably prevent both spouses from obtaining a mortgage until the house eventually sold. Some lenders may extend a loan, but it will take some work to find them. 90003 90002 The homeowners are responsible for the loan payments, even if the renter defaults. An obvious downside to this alternative is finding financially responsible renters. 90003 90002 90017 6. Sell 90018 90003 90002 If your mortgage is under water, it’s highly unlikely that you will break even if you decide to sell the house.You may be able to upgrade the appearance and ambiance of your home and break even, but this result does not happen very often. 90003 90002 If you are on the cusp and your mortgage is paid down enough to get out of the house relatively unscathed, you may want to consult with a couple of realtors to see what improvements can be done to raise the value of your home. You never know — you may get lucky. 90003 90002 90017 7. Short Sale 90018 90003 90002 A short sale is when an agreement is made with the lender to sell the house at a loss.This has less negative credit consequences than a foreclosure. 90003 90002 In favor of this alternative, the Obama Administration, under an expansion of the Making Home Affordable Program, is offering first mortgage lenders a $ 1,000 incentive for each completed short sale and up to $ 1,000 more to share the cost of paying any second-mortgage lenders to release their claim on the property. 90003 90002 In other words, if a home has a home equity loan or home-loan line of credit, the investors who own the primary mortgage may pay those who hold the second mortgage a certain amount to settle that loan.The government will offer $ 1 for every $ 2 paid by the investors, up to $ 1,000. 90003 90002 Homeowners also benefit from this arrangement. They can get up to $ 1,500 for relocation expenses. 90003 90002 There are a few caveats to going the short-sale route. 90003 90002 First, your credit is going to be effected negatively when you undergo a short sale. It sounds better than a foreclosure, but it is negative nonetheless. 90003 90002 Also, the lender may come after you for the difference of what the house sold for and the amount of the original loan.90003 90002 Usually the lender will try to get the homeowner to sign a promissory note for the difference between the amount the house sold for and the amount of the loan. This «deficiency judgment» is banned in certain states. 90003 90002 So lenders in those states are more liable to require a borrower to sign a promissory note prior to granting the short sale. 90003 90002 90017 90018 90003 90002 90017 8. Walk Away 90018 90003 90002 Sometimes foreclosure is the better of two less-than-desirable alternatives.In foreclosure, there is a «redemption period,» which is a period of time that the homeowner can remain in the property before the bank can evict him. 90003 90002 Depending on the state you live in, the redemption period is between a year and just a few days. The redemption period can help the couple save money before they are required by law to leave the house. 90003 90002 One party could move out and rent, while the other stays in the house during the redemption period. The party staying in the house could be court ordered to pay half of the exiting party’s rent until the house sells and both parties are renting or purchasing separate residences on their own.90003 90002 90005 Julie Garrison has been writing articles and short stories for the past 10 years and has appeared in several magazines and e-zines. 90006 90003 90123 90002 90125 90005 Related 90006 90128 90003.90000 Top 10 Things NOT to Do When You Divorce 90001 90002 As anyone who’s gone through a divorce can tell you, the process is rarely easy. Tensions run high, and couples often make poor decisions in the heat of the moment. Given the mountain of financial, practical and emotional details that have to be sorted, it’s not surprising so many couples wind up making critical mistakes on the road to divorce. That said there are a number of key things you should do, or more specifically 90003 not do 90004, to lessen the chance you’ll regret your decisions later on.Here are the top 10 tips on what to avoid when filing for divorce. 90005 90002 90007 90005 90002 90010 1. Do not Get Pregnant 90011 90005 90002 Having a baby during your divorce complicates a lot of things, and could even hinder your right to divorce. In November 2004, a Spokane County, Washington judge refused to allow Shawnna Hughes, a pregnant woman, to divorce her abusive husband. Hughes ‘husband is not the father of her child. But because Hughes became pregnant during the divorce proceedings, state law presumes Hughes ‘husband to be the father of her child born up to 300 days after her divorce.The judge refused to grant Hughes a divorce because he was concerned there would be no father to take financial responsibility for the child. Although many states now grant single parents the same rights as married ones, having a child when you’re in marital limbo can be problematic. 90005 90002 90010 2. Do not Forget to Change Your Will 90011 90005 90002 90020 Getting divorced 90021 does not automatically revoke a will. If you want to prevent your soon-to-be-ex-spouse from receiving the monies and privileges granted them in your will, you need to update your will.You can re-do a will at any time. But if you die before you are granted a divorce, and you have left your spouse nothing, he or she can sue and recover part of your estate. 90005 90002 90010 3. Do not Dismiss the Possibility of Collaborative Divorce or Mediation 90011 90005 90002 In a collaborative divorce, you can get the help of professionals-attorneys, divorce coaches and therapists, to divide property and manage emotional stress. Some critics of collaborative divorce believe that attorneys, divorce coaches and therapists who engage in collaborative divorce are not really experts, and cost too much time and money.But the majority of jurisdictions with collaborative divorce have stated that collaborative divorce is more cooperative and less adversarial than traditional divorce. 90005 90002 Mediation is different. Only one third-party professional-a divorce mediator-helps you and your spouse reach an agreement. Mediation is more of an-ongoing process than a one-time intervention. Although lawyers are generally not allowed into mediation sessions, you can consult a lawyer at any time during the process to make sure you are getting the right result.90005 90002 90010 4. Do not Sleep With Your Lawyer 90011 90005 90002 It’s easy to get close to the one person who is on your side. But it’s also a big mistake. Some states prohibit all sexual activity between an attorney and client. Other states allow an attorney and client who had a sexual relationship before the case to continue the relationship. In either case, sleeping with your lawyer can compromise your attorney-client communications because you may be charged with adultery for the infidelity.90005 90002 90010 5. Do not Take It Out On the Kids 90011 90005 90002 Children need a supportive environment to deal with divorce. Minimize the amount you talk about the process. It will give you more time to be there for them. Refocus your energy so you can attend their school and after-school events, help them with homework, and take them out once in a while to the movies or the zoo. When you are relaxed, they get more relaxed. Though you should be comfortable talking with your children about the divorce, the point of this divorce is to relieve stress on you and your family.90005 90002 90010 6. Do not Refuse to See a Therapist 90011 90005 90002 Seeing a therapist can help you get through the range of emotions that you will experience when dealing with divorce. It is a good idea to get help before you become extremely depressed or angry. A therapist is not just someone to talk to. They are also a professional who can show you how to relax, how to talk to your kids, and how to remain calm in court. Most importantly, a therapist can help you figure out how to become self-sufficient.90005 90002 90010 7. Do not Wait Until After the Holidays 90011 90005 90002 You already know the holidays are not going to be difficult. So why wait? Divorce lawyers often see an increase in clients before, during, and after Christmas. It’s also easier to get used to an empty home before the holidays. If you wait (and fight) through the season, you may destroy any chances for an amicable split and wind up hashing out your differences in court. 90005 90002 90010 8. Do not Forget About Taxes 90011 90005 90002 Typically, the person who is awarded custody of the children gets the house.But the house may not be the best deal. If you can not afford the mortgage, taxes and upkeep on the house, you want to ask for the investment portfolio of equal value instead. However, before declaring yourself king or queen of your block, remember: single people are not allowed to shelter as many capital gains from taxes. Stocks can also be at issue. Newly-purchased stocks may be more desirable because they will cost you less in capital gains taxes. 90005 90002 90010 9. Do not «Settle» Early 90011 90005 90002 Just because you want out of your marriage immediately does not mean you should forfeit your financial security.Make multiple copies of all of your important financial documents: pension statements, tax forms, brokerage and mutual fund statements, credit card statements, and other records. It will make you aware of what you own and 90003 even 90004 what you owe. Make sure that you and the children will continue to have health insurance during and after the divorce proceedings. While you are still married to your spouse, an illness or accident can change how property is divided. If you and your spouse can work out an amicable agreement on your own, you can file what’s known as an «uncontested» divorce.This will save you both time and money in court costs. If this is simply not possible, you may want to hire a professional mediator or an attorney. If you decide to retain legal counsel, remember to bring three things to the first meeting with your lawyer so you can assess what you will need once separated: a balance sheet listing the family’s assets and debts, an accounting sheet of your income and expenses, and your tax return. 90005 90002 90010 10. Do not Increase Your Debt 90011 90005 90002 Divorce is expensive.On top of attorney’s fees, you will need money to set up a new household. Though it may be difficult to make ends meet, you should get used to having less now. Remember, your legal bills and court costs may come due before you receive your first payment of alimony or even your share of the marital property. While it may seem stressful, the freedom you’ll enjoy down the line will be well worth the struggle. 90005 90002 90010 One Final Note 90011 90005 90002 Putting aside strong emotions in favor of cooperating with your spouse and managing the thornier issues of your separation with a calm and level head will definitely pay off in the long run.Both of you will make wiser decisions and come out of the process with fewer bruises. After the agreements are ironed out and the papers are signed, if you still feel the need to express yourself, you can always sit down to dish up the dirt in your tell-all memoir. 90005 90002 90003 LegalZoom can help you file an uncontested divorce. The LegalZoom divorce package includes state-specific divorce documents for both spouses, marital settlement agreement, and parenting plan for specifying custody arrangements and visitation schedules.90004 90005 .90000 10 Divorce FAQ — Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce 90001 90002 Below are answers to some of the most 90003 frequently asked questions about divorce 90004. The answers are general in nature, and are designed to help you understand the divorce law and process. The law in your particular state, and the individual circumstances of your case, may vary, and may affect the results in your case. For more information about alimony, child custody and child support, including how alimony and child support are determined, and whether your spouse can prevent you from seeing your children, see 9 Divorce FAQ — Frequently Asked Questions About Alimony, Child Custody and Child Support.Continue reading for 10 common 90003 divorce FAQs 90004. 90007 90002 90009 1. What is no-fault divorce? 90010 90007 90002 Traditionally, the only way to get a divorce was to prove that your spouse had done something that was officially recognized as a justification for divorce. In other words, your spouse had to be at fault in breaking up the marriage. The most common reasons were adultery, spouse abuse, being sentenced to prison for a felony, and insanity. This made it difficult to get a divorce, and a lot of time, effort, and money was spent proving that the other party was at fault.All states and the District of Columbia have passed no-fault 90003 divorce laws 90004 to allow a divorce simply because at least one of the parties no longer wishes to be married. 90007 90002 90009 2. What is an uncontested divorce? 90010 90007 90002 An 90003 uncontested divorce 90004 is one in which there is no opposition to what is requested in the complaint or petition, or in which both parties agree to the divorce and the terms of the settlement of all issues (property and debt division, alimony, and child custody and support).A case where there is full agreement and participation is sometimes called a consent divorce. 90007 90002 90009 3. What are the procedures for a divorce? 90010 90007 90002 90003 How to file for divorce 90004 is a process begun by filing a document with the court that is called a Complaint or a Petition, depending upon the state in which you live. Some states call the procedure a divorce, and some call it a dissolution of marriage. A copy of the Complaint is served on (or officially delivered to) your spouse, usually by the sheriff’s office or process server.This may not be necessary in some cases, where you and your spouse are in agreement. Your spouse will be given a certain number of days to respond to the Complaint. How the case proceeds from there will depend upon how your spouse responds. You and your spouse may reach an agreement, your spouse may file a response (either agreeing to what you’ve requested in the Complaint or contesting it), or may not reply at all. Other documents may also need to be filed, mostly commonly financial statements.Things can become quite complicated in a contested case, with numerous documents being filed, and one or more formal court hearings. 90007 90002 90009 4. How much does it cost to get divorced? 90010 90007 90002 There are both fixed costs and variable 90003 divorce costs 90004. The fixed costs are filing fees paid to the court, and fees paid to have legal papers served on your spouse. These costs vary from state to state, but typically are in the range of $ 200 to $ 500. Variable costs include fees for document preparation and legal representation by an attorney.The attorney’s fees can vary immensely, depending upon the complexity of the case, and the degree to which any issues are contested. Extra costs may also come into play if the court orders mediation of disputed issues, or if it becomes necessary to hire a financial analyst due to complex property issues. 90007 90002 90009 5. How long does it take to get a divorce? 90010 90007 90002 There are several factors that may affect the amount of time needed to get a divorce. Some of these are legal requirements, which vary by state.90007 90046 90047 90003 Residency requirements. 90004 This is the length of time one or both parties must be a resident of the state. Residency requirements range from no time at all to one year. 90050 90047 90003 Separation requirements. 90004 In many states, you and your spouse must be living separately for a certain length of time before you may obtain a divorce. Separation requirements range from none at all to three years. 90050 90047 90003 Waiting periods. 90004 Some states require that a certain amount of time passes between 90003 filing for divorce 90004 and either scheduling a court hearing or entering a final judgment.Waiting periods range from none to 90 days. 90050 90047 90003 Other requirements. 90004 Some states may require mediation of issues in dispute, marriage counseling, or a parent education class relating to how divorce affects children. In addition to legal requirements, there are also other factors that may affect the amount of time it takes, such as how long it takes to have your spouse served with divorce papers, the extent to which your case is contested, and the court’s docket backlog . 90050 90065 90002 90009 6.My state requires me to be separated from my spouse for a long period of time before I can file for divorce. Is there any way to shorten the time? 90010 90007 90002 Some states have separation requirements of 12, 18-or even 24 months. If you do not want to wait to file, you will need to use one of the fault-based grounds that are allowed in your state. However, you will then need to prove the grounds, which will make the process more complicated, and may not save you any time in the long run. 90007 90002 Another option would be to move to a state with no waiting period; however, you may need to be a resident of the new state for a certain period of time before you can file.Most states have residency requirements of 3, 6, 12 or even 24 months. States with no minimum residency period and no waiting period are Alaska, South Dakota, and Washington. The next best are Idaho and Nevada with six-week residency requirements. 90007 90002 90009 7. What if I can not locate my spouse? 90010 90007 90002 If you do not know the whereabouts of your spouse, you may still get a divorce. You will need to take certain steps to attempt to locate your spouse, and to notify him or her that you have filed for divorce.Typically, attempting to locate your spouse will involve things like checking the telephone listing where you live and where your spouse is last known to have lived, asking friends and relatives if they know where your spouse might be, checking with the post office where he or she last lived to see if there is a forwarding address, checking property records to see if he or she owns property, checking with state records for driver’s license or vehicle registrations, and checking with the last known employer or landlord.If you still can not locate your spouse, there is a procedure called service by publication, in which you obtain the court’s permission to publish a notice of the divorce in a newspaper. Once this is done, you may proceed with the divorce case. You will be able to get divorced and be awarded custody of any children; however, you may not be able to get full resolution of property division, alimony or child support until your spouse is personally served with court papers. 90007 90002 90009 8. Will I have to go to court? 90010 90007 90002 In most states, even for an uncontested or simplified divorce procedure, you will need to attend some type of hearing before a judge (or other official acting like a judge, such as a hearing officer, referee, magistrate, etc.). This may be in the judge’s office or in a courtroom. You may only be required to attend, or both you and your spouse may be required to attend. You may need to bring a witness to testify that you meet the residency requirement. Generally, for a case where you and your spouse have signed a settlement agreement, the hearing will take less than 30 minutes, and will be mostly for the purpose of satisfying the judge that all of the paperwork is in order, that all required notices have been given, and that any residency requirement has been satisfied.For a contested case, at least one rather extensive formal court hearing will be required. 90007 90002 90009 9. What is a collaborative divorce? 90010 90007 90002 Collaborative divorce is a form of alternative dispute resolution, which is in some ways similar to mediation. Each party hires a lawyer. The role of a collaborative lawyer is to attempt to reach a marital settlement agreement. There may be a third lawyer who acts as a facilitator (similar to a mediator). Any lawyer who serves as a collaborative lawyer for a party is prohibited from representing that party in court if an agreement is not reached.A few states have passed a collaborative law statute, and a few states are allowing the collaborative procedure informally. This process may save money if an agreement is reached. If an agreement is not reached, it may increase the cost of a divorce (as will mediation or arbitration). 90007 90002 90009 10. What is a covenant marriage? 90010 90007 90002 The covenant marriage is a relatively new creation in three states (Arizona, Arkansas and Louisiana). It came into being largely due to efforts of conservative Christians, who disagree with the modern trend toward no-fault divorce.In order to enter into a covenant marriage, the couple must go to premarital counseling, then sign a document called a Declaration of Intent. In the Declaration of Intent, the parties promise to disclose anything they believe may jeopardize their marriage relationship, and to preserve their marriage if problems arise. The parties also agree that they may not use the state’s no-fault divorce law, and may only obtain a divorce if one party commits adultery, domestic violence or a felony that result in jail time.However, a party to a covenant marriage may still obtain a no-fault divorce in another state that does not recognize covenant marriage. 90007 90002 90099 Whether you are going through a simple or complicated divorce, LegalZoom can help. If you and your spouse agree on the major issues, you can file an uncontested divorce. Or for more complex matters, consult with an attorney through the LegalZoom personal legal plan. 90100 90007 .90000 Divorce Information & Frequently Asked Questions 90001 90002 This page provides basic information about divorce and a general overview of the divorce process in New York. You may also want to read about divorce resources available in your county. Please be aware that some counties may have their own forms and filing instructions. For further information, please contact the Supreme Court in the county where you reside before attempting to file your divorce papers. 90003 90004 90005 90004 90002 What is a divorce? 90003 90002 Divorce is the final, legal ending of a marriage by court order.If you have a divorce case in court, you may hear lawyers and court staff call it a matrimonial action. The person who starts the divorce is called the plaintiff, and the other spouse is called the defendant. 90003 90004 90002 Where do I go to for a divorce? 90003 90002 The Supreme Court of the State of New York is the only court that handles divorce cases, and a Supreme Court judge is the only person who can legally grant a divorce. You should go to the Supreme Court in the county where you or your spouse now live.You can not get a divorce in Family Court. 90003 90002 Although Family Court can not give you a divorce, you can go to your local Family Court for help with child support, child custody, child visitation, spousal support (also known as spousal maintenance), and paternity. Visit CourtHelp.org for more information on choosing the right court for your particular issue. 90003 90004 90002 What is an annulment? 90003 90002 Unlike a divorce that ends a valid marriage, an annulment establishes that the marriage is not legally valid, and the grounds for annulment are different from a divorce.To get an annulment, you will need to prove ONE of the following: 90003 • Bigamy: one of the parties was still married to someone else at the time of the second marriage. 90002 • Either spouse was incurably unable to have sexual intercourse at the time of the marriage. 90003 90002 • After marriage, either spouse becomes incurably insane for five (5) years or more. The Court may require the sane spouse to support the Marriage between persons under 18, if the spouse under 18 wants the annulment.The annulment will not be granted if the person under 18 freely cohabited (had sexual relations) with the other spouse after turning 18. 90003 90002 • Spouse is unable to understand the nature, effect and consequences of marriage because of mental incapacity. 90003 90002 • Spouse agreed to marry as a result of force or duress by the other. 90003 90002 • Fraud (most common ground): the consent to marry was obtained by fraud that would have deceived an ordinarily prudent person and was material to obtaining the other party’s consent.The fraud must go to the essence of the marriage contract. Concealment of a material fact may constitute fraud. Sexual intercourse evidencing forgiveness is an absolute defense. 90003 90002 To learn about religious annulment, you should consult the religious faith that performed the marriage. 90003 90002 Annulment is defined in Domestic Relations Law §140. If you would like an annulment, you should seriously consider speaking to a lawyer. The court does not provide forms for annulment. 90003 90004 90002 How do I start a divorce case? 90003 90002 You will need to buy an Index Number at the County Clerk’s Office and file a Summons with Notice or a Summons and Verified Complaint (which has the reasons for the divorce).Next, you will need to have another person over the age of 18 who is not a party to the action serve your spouse with the papers. For more information on filing fees, completing and serving papers, placing your case on the court’s calendar, and other procedures, please carefully follow the Uncontested Divorce Forms Packet Instructions. You can also use the DIY (Do-It-Yourself) Uncontested Divorce Program if you are filing for an uncontested divorce, your marriage has been over for at least six months, there are no children under 21, and all marital property issues, including debt, have been settled.90003 90004 90002 Do I need a lawyer to get divorced? 90003 90002 Because divorce law can be complicated, you should meet with a lawyer — even if you think your divorce will be uncontested. If you and your spouse have resolved all financial and parenting issues, and you do not have a lawyer, you can use the free Uncontested Divorce Forms Packet. You must first read the Uncontested Divorce Forms Packet Instructions before trying to complete the process on your own. You can also use the DIY (Do-It-Yourself) Uncontested Divorce Program if you are filing for an uncontested divorce, your marriage has been over for at least six months, there are no children under 21, and all marital property issues, including debt, have been settled.90003 90002 If you have parenting or financial issues to work out, you may want to consider alternative dispute resolution (ADR) processes like divorce mediation or collaborative family law. These out-of-court processes often save time and money, reduce stress, and even improve relationships between parents and their children after divorce. ADR may not be appropriate in cases involving domestic violence, child abuse, or where one spouse can not locate the other. 90048 [see What if I can not locate my spouse?] 90049 90003 90004 90002 What if I can not locate my spouse? 90003 90002 New York state law requires that the defendant in a divorce action be personally served with the Summons with Notice or Summons and Verified Complaint.To have your spouse served in any other way, you must get permission from the court. You can apply for such permission by filing an application for alternate service with the Supreme Court Clerk’s Office in the county where you filed your divorce case. 90003 90004 90002 To start a divorce case, what legal requirements do I need to meet? 90003 90002 (1) Residency: Before a New York Court can give you a divorce, you need to show that you and / or your spouse have lived in New York State for a certain amount of time, without interruption, generally for one year.For more information on the residency requirement, see pp. 1-3 of the Uncontested Divorce Forms Packet Instructions. 90003 90002 (2) Grounds: You need to have grounds — a legally acceptable reason — to get divorced in New York. That means that you need to prove one of the grounds listed below: 90003 90002 • Cruel and Inhuman treatment 90005 • Abandonment 90005 • Confinement in prison for 3 or more consecutive years 90005 • Adultery 90005 • Living separate and apart pursuant to a separation judgment or decree 90005 • Living separate and apart pursuant to a separation agreement 90005 • Irretrievable breakdown in the relationship for a period of at least 6 months (for divorce proceedings started on / after October 12, 2010) 90003 90002 For more details on grounds, see pages 3-5 of the Uncontested Divorce Forms Packet Instructions.90003 90004 90002 What is the difference between a Contested and an Uncontested Divorce? 90003 90002 UNCONTESTED: Your divorce will be uncontested if both you and your spouse: 90005 • Want to get a divorce 90005 • Agree about what will happen with your children, your finances, your property after the divorce 90003 90002 If your divorce is uncontested, and you and your spouse have reached agreement on all financial and parenting issues, you may use the Court’s free Uncontested Divorce Forms Packet.You can also use the DIY (Do-It-Yourself) Uncontested Divorce Program if you are filing for an uncontested divorce, your marriage has been over for at least six months, there are no children under 21, and all marital property issues, including debt, have been settled. 90003 90002 If you have not reached agreement, and you think you and your spouse could come to an agreement with some help, you might want to consider divorce mediation or collaborative family law. 90003 90002 CONTESTED: Your divorce will be contested if either you or your spouse: 90003 90002 • Do not want to get a divorce 90005 • Disagree about the grounds (legal reasons) for the divorce 90005 • Disagree about what will happen with your children, your finances, your property after the divorce 90003 90002 Because the judge will require detailed information to decide the issues you disagree about, your contested divorce will require you and your spouse to go to the Supreme Court numerous times.If your divorce will be contested, you should seriously consider finding a lawyer to represent you. 90003 90002 You might want to consider divorce mediation or collaborative family law. 90003 90004 90002 What is a Statement of Net Worth? 90003 90002 A Statement of Net Worth is a form required by the court where you list all of your financial information in detail — income, expenses, assets, property and debts. It is a sworn statement that must be signed in front of a notary public before it is submitted.90003 90004 90002 How can I get a divorce using a separation agreement? 90003 90002 A separation agreement is a written contract between a husband and wife that divides all the important aspects of the couple’s lives: care and custody of children, money and property, and more. The husband and wife must be living separate and apart for a period of at least one year after signing a separation agreement to use it for a divorce. Because these and many other technical requirements for the contract to be considered a legal separation agreement, it is difficult to get divorced using a separation agreement unless you have a lawyer.Collaborative lawyers or divorce mediators may also be able to help. 90003 90002 90003 90004 90002 Where can my spouse and I get help to work out our differences outside of court? 90003 90002 If you and your spouse need help to work out parenting arrangements, you might want to consider divorce mediation or collaborative family law. These out-of-court processes often save time and money, reduce stress, and even improve relationships between parents and their children after divorce. These processes may not be appropriate in cases involving domestic violence or child abuse.90003 90004 90002 What will the judge decide in my divorce case? 90003 90002 The main reason you start a divorce case is to end your marriage. But you can also ask the judge to decide issues involving children, property and finances. 90003 90004 90002 How do I get certified copies of my divorce papers? 90003 90002 Copies of divorce judgments or other written orders in divorce cases can be obtained from the County Clerk, however, there is a fee for a «certified» copy. Copies of documents (other than the Judgment of Divorce itself) can only be obtained by one of the parties or an attorney who is representing one of the parties.Divorce records are not open to public inspection. 90003 90002 If you know you were divorced in New York some time ago, but can not remember in which county, contact the County Clerk of the county where you were living at the time of the divorce, or try the County Clerks of neighboring counties. If you are unsuccessful, you can also try getting a divorce certificate from the New York State Department of Health, however, the Department of Health charges a fee for this service. 90003 90004 90002 What types of cases that are related to divorce can be heard in Family Court? 90003 90002 Although you can not get a divorce in Family Court, Family Court judges hear cases involving child abuse and neglect (child protection), adoption, child custody and visitation, support, domestic violence, guardianship, juvenile delinquency, paternity, and persons in need of supervision (PINS).90003 90002 In New York State, a married person may file a petition in the Family Court seeking spousal support from their husband or wife. A divorced person can not seek a new order of spousal support in Family Court — that would need to be done in Supreme Court. However, a divorced person can ask the Family Court to modify (change) an already existing order of support. 90003 90002 If parents are already involved in a divorce case in Supreme Court, a request for child support should be made in the Supreme Court so that all the issues can be heard together.90003 90004 90002 What is custody? 90003 90002 Custody is a parent’s legal right to control his or her child’s upbringing. It may also be referred to as parenting. A parent who does not have custody will still likely be entitled to visitation, also known as spending time with the child (ren). Both parents have a legal right to ask for custody and visitation in a divorce proceeding. 90003 90004 90002 What is the difference between legal custody and physical custody? 90003 90002 Custody has two parts: legal and physical.90003 90002 Legal custody: the right to make major decisions about your child. This includes where your child goes to school, what kind of religious training a child receives, whether your child gets surgery. 90003 90002 Physical custody: who the child lives with on a day-to-day basis. A parent with primary physical custody is sometimes called the «custodial parent» or the child’s «primary caretaker.» 90003 90004 90002 How will a judge decide custody? 90003 90002 When determining custody and visitation, a judge will consider what is in the best interests of the child (ren).Some factors a judge may consider include: 90003 90002 ● who has been the child’s primary caretaker 90005 ● the quality of each parent’s home environment 90005 ● how «fit» the judge thinks each parent is (stable home and lifestyle, good judgment, has a job, good mental and physical health) 90005 ● which parent the child is living with now, and for how long 90005 ● each parent’s ability to provide emotional and intellectual support for the child 90005 ● which parent allows the other parent into the child’s life (does not try to cut out the other parent ) 90005 ● if the child is old enough, which parent the child wants to live with 90005 ● whether your child would be separated from any siblings 90005 ● whether either parent has been abusive 90003 90002 A judge must consider whether there has been domestic violence.90003 90002 For more detailed answers to frequently asked questions on custody, visit CourtHelp. 90003 90004 90002 What is child support? 90003 90002 New York law says that children are entitled to share in the income and standard of living of both parents. Child support is the money that the non-custodial parent pays to the custodial parent if the child is under 21. Child support is based on a strict formula. See the Child Support Standards Chart. 90003 90002 Child support may be awarded by the Supreme Court as part of a divorce, or in Family Court as part of a child support proceeding.90003 90004 90002 How does a court calculate child support? 90003 90002 First, the court determines each parent’s net income. Net income is gross income minus certain deductions, such as FICA, NYC income tax, Yonkers income tax, spousal support and child support paid for other child (ren). Second, the court adds the parents ‘net income together and multiplies that number by a percentage, depending on how many children they have: 90003 90177 90178 17% for one child 90179 90178 25% for two children 90179 90178 29% for three children 90179 90178 31% for four children 90179 90178 no less than 35% for five or more children 90179 90188 90002 That amount is then divided based on the proportion of each parent’s net income to the combined parental net income.90003 90002 In addition to the basic child support obligation, a spouse may also be required to pay for child care expenses, educational expenses and medical expenses. 90003 90002 How to Calculate Child Support 90003 90004 90002 What happens to property after a divorce? 90003 90002 During the divorce both spouses have to tell the judge about their income and any debts they owe. When the court grants a divorce, property will be divided equitably (though not always equally) between the spouses.90003 90004 90002 What is the Equitable Distribution Law? 90003 90002 New York’s Equitable Distribution Law recognizes marriage as an economic as well as a social partnership. The law requires that a judge divide property as fairly as possible. 90003 90002 The Equitable Distribution Law talks about two types of property for purposes of divorce: marital property and separate property. Marital property will be divided between the two spouses. 90003 90002 Marital Property: all property either spouse bought during the marriage, regardless of whose name is on the property.Pension plans and other retirement plans are considered marital property. The portion of marital property earned during the marriage will be divided by the court. 90003 90002 Separate Property: property a spouse owned before the marriage, or any inheritance or personal injury payments or gifts from someone other than the spouse during the marriage. 90003 90002 To see the factors a court should consider in making an equitable distribution award, see Domestic Relations Law § 236 (B) (5) (d). 90003 90004 90002 Can I get spousal maintenance (sometimes called «alimony»)? 90003 90002 Spousal maintenance (sometimes called alimony) is money an ex-spouse may be required to pay the other spouse after they get divorced.Temporary maintenance is money a spouse may be required to pay the other spouse while the action is pending in contested actions only. A new law was passed in 2015 providing guidelines for both types of maintenance. For more information, see 90005 Maintenance Child Support Tools 90003 90002 90003 90004 90002 What if I am a victim of domestic violence? 90003 90002 Please visit the court’s Domestic Violence web page for domestic violence information and resources. 90003 90002 If you or your children are the victims of Domestic Violence, you can apply to the court for an Order of Protection.90003 90228 90002 Where can I find out more information? 90003 • Visit Supreme Court Web Sites: Even if you do not live in these counties, the web sites in Bronx, Kings, and Queens Counties have helpful answers to Frequently Asked Questions 90002 • Check out LawHelp.org for information on a wide range of topics tailored to your geographical area. 90003 90002 • Find a lawyer for a consultation on how the law affects your individual circumstances and to get legal representation. 90003 90002 90003.